She smiled back and tilted her head slightly, looking at me. “Ah, should I carry him into bed for you?” I offered. “Yes. But first, I need to fi... something up”. “Jess it’s OK,” I whispered hurriedly thinking she was going to admonish me for taking our little game too far. “I’m sorry about that, let’s just forget it and move on hey?” She kept looking at me. “That’s not what I had in mind,” She stepped towards me as we both stood just behind her snoring husband. She looked up at me and placed. In this kind of service you need all the advantages you can get. Hell, use it as a marker for the future if it doesn't feel right to you to use it the way I would."Before he could retort, his phone rang. I got up to leave, but he held his finger up for me to wait a minute. I sat back down and waited until he was through with the call."That was the radio room. They heard you were here and I promised them I would bring you by before you left. I was warned that if I didn't, they wouldn't speak to. The images, bright and vivid, forcingtheir way into my mind. My dreams, the ones where I was a puppet. Theone where I was crying with a different woman's face. Then the meetingwith Steven in my head.I collapsed in the shower, hugging my knees to my chest. Here I was,getting ready for a date, when I had a monster living inside me.Another flash: The too-cool-for-words courier, Sarah, the two times I'dseen her. That brought a smile to my face. A flash of the eroticfantasies I'd had about her. But I couldn't. Not anymore. It wasn't because of Thanksgiving, although he'd been making a conscious effort not to bring that up anymore. It wasn't even because of anything Nick had done. This was all me, and it was really because I just didn't feel that connected to him anymore.He was the same nice guy I had always known. He was still attractive to me, even more so now that I had come to appreciate his endearing cuteness, sense of respect and boundaries, and obvious warmth for me. But I just.
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